Buying a home is the worst.

So is selling a home.

But not all at the same time.

As I’ve said before, all real estate professionals should be forced to move every five years just so they realize how painful it can be, and can be more sympathetic to what their clients are going to go through. Yes, I understand that most good agents will prepare their clients for the process, but it’s not enough. It’s like getting a tattoo – you can try to explain how painful it is, but it’s easier if you’ve gotten one yourself.

For example, most agents don’t fully appreciate that buyers and sellers have different pain points, and they’re at completely different parts of the transaction. That is, when buyers are happy, sellers are sad. And when sellers are content, buyers are miserable.

Here’s why. When buyers start the process, they’re delighted. After all, they’re shopping. And who doesn’t love shopping? They get to stay up all night looking at real estate porn, when they’re not looking at, you know, ACTUAL porn.

And they get a nice agent to chauffer them around to go look at other people’s homes, where they can imagine living in every house, trying on different lifestyles like they’re trying on new dresses.

And they get to walk around other people’s homes with impunity and make snarky comments about the décor.

Shopping is the best.

Meanwhile, when sellers start the process, they hate it.

They have to sign a bunch of scary documents that require them to pay a lot of money.

Then they have to get rid of all the things that they love about their home because you basically have told them they are actually disgusting pigs whose house should frankly be condemned, burned the ground, and the earth salted so nothing thereupon can ever grow again.

Then they have to deal with all the showings: schedulings, reschedulings, cancellations without notice, open houses, and all those uppity buyers with their snarky comments that they think no one can hear.

Even worse, they have to keep the home in showing condition, which means living like Felix Unger all the time.

Agents don’t fully understand how living in a home for sale is the worst. It’s not even your house anymore. It’s like you’re living in someone else’s house that you have to keep clean and tidy and can’t ever get comfortable in.

Even worse, it’s like your “host” has a strange set of friends who keep dropping by whenever they want and judging you.

So, basically, at the beginning of the process, buyers are happy, and sellers are miserable. Buyers are shopping, and excited about the possibilities. Sellers are living uncomfortably, and stressed out that they’re never going to find a buyer.

But then you get to offer-and-acceptance. Now, both sides are happy! We have a deal! Yay for us! Lots of good feelings!

And for sellers, that’s kind of how it stays. Now, you can stop sucking it in. Just loosen that belt, and relax. LET IT ALL HANG OUT. It never felt so good to leave the dishes in the sink as it does the day after you sign that contract of sale.

Even better, you’re pretty much done. No more staging. No more pictures. No more showings. Mostly just a clear ride to the closing.

Ahhh, but for the buyers, it’s a different story. The worm has now turned. As happy as the sellers are, the buyers are now miserable.

Why? Because they have to get a mortgage. I can say without exaggeration that getting a mortgage is the worst experience in the history of the known universe. It’s like going to the dentist to get a root canal, except that you go every day. You pull together documents. Then you pull the same documents again. And then you wait a week, ask why you haven’t heard anything, and GET ASKED FOR THOSE SAME DOCUMENTS ONE MORE TIME.

Meanwhile, you stress. You worry about getting clear to close. You worry that your interest rate might change. You worry that you paid too much. No more showings. No more flights of imagination. No more snarky comments. Just worry.

So that’s your experience from contract to closing – sellers happy, buyers miserable.

And then you close. And everyone’s happy! The seller has a wad of cash, so he’s happy. And the buyer has a new home, so she’s happy.

Then, they have to move all their stuff, and everyone gets to be miserable again.

Editor’s Note: This was originally published on Inman Media on September 29, 2015 as “Realtyperson, Heal Thyself: Buyers and Sellers Are Miserable at Different Times.”